“Pick Me Girl”: Fighting Fire with Fire
I was scrolling on the TikTok “For You” page the other day, and I saw another girl hopping on the “pick me girl” trend. When this trend first emerged, I remember laughing at the memes and sketches because I believed it was calling out internalized misogyny and anti-feminists. I mean, the first thought I had was that the rise of the “pick me” term had a good cause. For example, one of the videos called out girls who put down their best friends in front of guys for male validation. This is indeed a very annoying move that some girls would do seeing that I have experienced it myself during high school. As the trend gained more attention, I saw other versions with the caption “when she says she doesn’t like partying” followed by another with “when girls talk about playing football”. Later, it spread to ridiculous captions, like “the one girl that does not wear makeup” or “girls with names that start with ‘c’ and end with ‘b’”. That was when I realized using the term “pick me” towards other women is very misogynistic.
· What does “Pick me” mean?
The “Pick-Me Girl” term is used against women who intentionally or unintentionally support patriarchal and misogynistic contexts for male validation. It is the modern internet slang to cliche catchphrases such as: “I’m not like other girls,” or “Women are so much drama”. Girls who usually say that are placed as anti-feminists due to denying the wage-gap, labeling feminism as man-hating, stressing that women are emotional, and putting other women down for things associated with basic femininity.[1]
· How did it evolve?
The term is overused on TikTok where videos tagged #PickMeGirl have over 1.2 billion views[2] and the comment section of videos of some women are flooded with the “pick me” phrase by other women who feel offended until it covers the screen.
· Why is it misogynistic?
While the term was supposed to call out internalized misogynistic behavior, its use on social media platforms has become more problematic. In other words, it is now a tool used to call out behaviors that are not related with its initial purpose[3]. It now shames women for having certain interests that do not go with the flow, assuming that she is seeking male validation. Therefore, this other toxic label is used against women by “feminists”, when the root cause of internalized misogyny is ignored. It has now become an excuse to drag other women down for any attitude that has the potential to arouse male interest. The trend has gotten out of control as girls are being named and shamed without context. The assumption that women’s actions and words are only used to attract men is by itself a misogynistic thought.
· What to do instead?
At a time when feminists call for “women supporting women”, how is calling other women “pick me” a feminist move? Tearing women down is the opposite of feminism, and targeting internalized misogyny is the only solution. It should start by educating women about the different aspects of society that tell women to appeal to men and fit themselves into the misogynistic world. Instead, women need to help each other by pulling themselves and others out of these ideologies rather than falling back into the tricks and traps of patriarchy set out to create a wall between women. For example, if every “pick me” comment gets replaced with advice rather than judgment, then maybe women could set an example of what it literally means “women supporting women”. [4]
[1] Rizvi, S. (2021, July 29). “Pick me” needs to leave. The Michigan Daily. Retrieved November 29, 2021, from https://www.michigandaily.com/michigan-in-color/pick-me-needs-leave/
[2] TikTok. (n.d.). #pickmegirl on. TikTok. Retrieved November 29, 2021, from https://www.tiktok.com/tag/pickmegirl?_d=secCgwIARCbDRjEFSADKAESPgo8JujRQHBbH26rm9XVojigT9a0DXSxdOdI11wwttDxmfnPYu%2FroC%2B6Ri%2BLgne2MLP4dcKxFNM8n7eCbwe7GgA%3D&checksum=ce6eb194dd84403662d29845a216ef33350b26e8166da7816f05a43434f10043&language=en&name=pickmegirl&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAAbv66a3AwlqjW3sgYOhf2bnYQ1y2cGBpLjWdTlQ1b5EvabmtSQOAgSRXbOGh-84BH&share_app_id=1233&share_challenge_id=15128221&share_link_id=6DB26B5F-BD8E-4BE0-B280-F3AFF63A5D32&source=h5_m&tt_from=copy&u_code=4393g9i655il1&user_id=90896455384657920&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=copy&_r=1
[3] Rosenbluth, A. (2021, April 29). The Toxic Trajectory of the #PickMeGirl Trend. MIR. Retrieved November 29, 2021, from https://www.mironline.ca/the-toxic-trajectory-of-the-pickmegirl-trend/
[4] Garrido, S. (2021, October 21). The phrase ‘pick me’ has added fuel to the fire that is internalized misogyny. The Berkeley Beacon. Retrieved November 29, 2021, from https://berkeleybeacon.com/the-phrase-pick-me-has-added-fuel-to-the-fire-that-is-internalized-misogyny/
